Lessons of the Lame

Back in December I had some long needed surgery done on my ankle. Since that time I have pretty much become just a large gelatinous mass whose soul purpose is to consume mass quantities of food and then lie around and hear the fat cells popping into existence like Jiffy pop popcorn burning over a campfire. (Try as I might I have never successfully popped jiffy pop over a camp fire.)
I am trying to workout everyday....on one foot....on arms and upper body, which ironically is the only thing that has had any use in the last two months. Crutches seem to build the muscle under the arm (the pitisamus) and other rarely used unknown body parts. Right now I am just trying to keep from having to buy an entire new wardrobe. To make matters worse, the other day Velda and I go to Wal Mart and I get into one of those power chair cart things and we start rolling down the aisle. I was thinking "Boy I always thought these thing were for the obese, the lazy, or the old people". It was then i realized I was all these things. To make matters worse, I put the thing in reverse and it started beeping. Velda looks at me and said I wondered when you were going to get one of those back up beepers.
Not only am I getting so much mass that it will only be a matter of time before things start orbiting around me, but I am also noticing some other harmful effects. Because I am at home most of the time with nothing to do, I have been doing extra housework, a lot of cooking,and I am doing a Beth Moore Bible study. Let me just put it this way. I have to get back to work soon because I have had enough of my feminine side. I turned on the TV the other day and Oprah was on and I found myself watching it for about 5 minutes before I realized what was happening. I had all I could take and ran from the room before I started having hormone problems. I quickly turned on the XBOX and started shooting some stuff and then followed that up with a couple of hours of Sports Center just to get the testosterone flowing again.
Its not all bad though. God had taught me some things. One is, all that time you say I dont have time to spend with God, will you spend more when you have time or will you fill your time with other meaningless things. I have learned that God provides. All those times i despised my job, i was accumilating sick days that allowed me to not miss a check yet. (Missed out on a lot of overtime though)I learned how hard my wife works as i have seen day in and day out what her days consist of. (She is an Angle) I just pray that as I continue to heal God will continue to conform me to His image. I doubt that Jesus was this fat however.