Man Church

I just finished reading an article in Homelife magazine about how today's churches do not appeal to men. I would have to say I agree. Do not get me wrong, I love my church and look forward to the worship and teaching every time I go. But sometimes I wish church could be a little more masculine. Jesus was kind and loving and forgiving and merciful and full of grace and gentleness, and I love that about Him and would never want to downplay that, but He also made a whip and assaulted the money changers in the temple. He called the Pharisees a generations of vipers, or sons of snakes, which is close to calling someone the son of a female dog. There is also the returning King with the fiery eyes and the big sword who will return and every knee will bow and every tongue will confess Jesus is Lord, and while Satan is on his knee confessing, he will be cast into the lake of fire and chained there for all eternity. How awesome is that? That is more manly than "We are Sparta!" and kicking some guy into a pit. I am a man, I want to here some man stories. Tell me about Elijah challenging the profits of Bale, then talking some smack, and eventually killing them all. Men don't want to join hands with the person next to them unless they are going arm wrestle. We don't want flowers and plants on the pulpit, we want big screen TVs or something to blow up or catch fire occasionally. I for one even get a little uncomfortable singing "You're all together lovely." or "Beautiful Savior" , "How beautiful is the body of Christ." Come on for crying out loud, where are the songs written for men like "Jesus rocks and He is going to kick the Devils butt one day and I am on His team!" Or "Act right, or I am going to make a whip and drive you out of the church"
Perhaps Brad Stine says it best when he says our society has tried to feminize everything including church. "I got in touch with my feminine side, I got married, I'm good. I got feminine side coming out my ears 24/7.
Books like "Wild at Heart" and others talk about how men are to be men and we do things differently for a God created reason, so it would only make sense that men and women worship and do church differently. Here are some manly suggestions.(please note the tongue is in the cheek):

• We should be able to throw our offering at a target in the front of the church and keep score for closest to the plate.
• Cage wrestling between the associate pastor and Pastor prior to all business meetings.
• A remote control that is capable of fast forwarding through the lady who sings the opera sounding song.
• Portable televisions made to look like Bibles just in case the Preacher gets a little long winded, you can check the score of the football game.
• Little alarm clocks that vibrate any time the word "Amen" is spoken, so in case you doze off during the sermon and the Preacher makes a really good point you can wake up and nod knowingly, or in case you fall asleep during that Pharisee prayer that goes on forever.
• Pyrotechnics!
• If you can't feel the bass drum in the praise and worship, turn that puppy up!
• Instead of flowers on the altar, have a tripped out 427 big block motor
• Come on with the tiny Lord's supper cups. Give me a half a loaf of unleven pita bread, and fat glass of welches finest. I know Jesus wasn't that stingy a his last meal.
• Turn to 2 or 3 people around you and ask them "Who are your picks for the final four?"
• Random pictures on the big screen of record Bass or whitetail deer.
• Concession stand
• Intermission to go out side and pass gas or grab a refreshment

O.K. that's enough. I would love to hear your ideas. I am not saying completely change the way we do church in America, but just remember we need to bring men back into the church, so it wouldn't hurt to maybe mix it up a little. maybe a good benediction would be a collective primal scream of "CHARGE!!!!" instead of "Go in peace, serve the lord."